Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
