All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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