Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
