I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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