she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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