that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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