if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
