Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
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