I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
