So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
