My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
