just come out here and I will go home with you...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
