But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
