Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
