Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
