have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
