it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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