moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
