hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
