i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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