He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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