I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
