how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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