Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
it glows. i had to have it.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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