we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
