When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
