glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
