She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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