I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
