It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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