Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
