I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
