YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
