but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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