If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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