You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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