Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
