1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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