so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
