I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
this boner is exhausting
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
