Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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