Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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