the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
