oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
