the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
