he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
