you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
