So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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