I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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