started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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