Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
