This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
