Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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