I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
