that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
