it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
